Surrendering to the Uniqueness of My Journey Vol 1
Reflecting on the last couple of years of my life, the people I have crossed paths with, the relationships I have formed and those I have lost, the works I have accomplished, my experiences, my vision and career goals even the unfulfilled desires and dreams. In most of the aforementioned, I have had the freedom to be in control of a few, while in the others I have found myself on the brink; and have had to relinquish control to the God who has brought me here.
As a growing girl, my line of thoughts has always been very different from the usual; and so have been my experiences. I have in recent times remembered my Dad, expressing his fears and wondering how a girl who reasoned as me was going to cope in a world he was too familiar with. Was it my naivety that made him think this way, or my sloppiness? We’ll find out but my conduct and outlooks to life have remained very different from the ‘rule’. Never have I believed in following the general patterns of thoughts, let alone entertain popular belief systems. These have made me unconsciously gravitate always at the other side. Like Akon, the Senegalese would call it, “going against the grain”.
This has shown in my experiences, in so many events I wished I didn’t have to live through, in experiences I am yet to come to terms with, in relationships I have had to forgo, in the shake ups that has occurred in my life in the last couple of months. My own path may not have been as clear as the next girl’s. I might have walked twice as many roads and jumped twice as many hurdles to get to the same result. And my glitches could be unfamiliar to the next girl, and that is OK.
But you see, what no one tells you is that reaching to the ‘OK’ part which is same as surrendering or accepting yourself and the imperfections is that it is an enormous wakeup call. It is instability at its finest. It is a way to re-introduce you to yourself. So accepting and surrendering to my own cold hard truths are not easy; they are terrifying I must say, because it’s like saying you could not do everything or be the things you wanted and that some things are just out of your control.
Now, this (surrendering) is not about getting all the answers, it’s about letting go of all the questions. I have gotten to that point where I don’t need all the answers. But have accepted the mysteries of what life entails. I recognized that it is no longer my responsibility to understand how the cookie crumbles.
But I have committed to be responsible for becoming the best version of myself, to be an honorable woman, a good person and everything else God wants me to be through the workings of His Holy Spirit. I am following the WHAT and not understanding the WHY and that is OK.
Copyright © Uc- Okonmah 2021